It’s been an emotional moonth, and the end was where the roller coaster hit a wall.
THE STORYLINE. . .
The admins in a group I felt kinship with told me how they felt about me.
This telling came about through a mistaken incident, and that was bad enough, especially as it was done publicly (not by me) . . . and once that can is opened it is hard to close.
We unraveled it, and had to do some of that publicly too, which was awkward.
After two days of emails (hate not hearing a voice but many times zones),
when we had, I thought, come to some sort of understanding
and a way to open hearts (that wonderful pause where you see that
many have misinterpreted and jumped to conclusions over inadequate information,
and there might just be a way back to joy and center and community),
I was told how someone(s) felt about my personality.
I could not recover from the criticism mostly because there was a deadline attached
(two days), and one of the administrators was hiding behind the others,
the one who was the instigator. I was, frankly, reeling from hurt feelings.
☾ EMOTION + ART + JOURNAL ☾
It hurt. I actually felt like I could not breathe and my chest ached.
I felt exposed and raw and so very sad, a huge loss.
I began painting into the sadness.
The images above, the first day.
I decided to not teach in that venue, sadly. Teaching is such a joy.
The image below came the day after that decision.
Moving my own teaching schedule up instead.
As I pass my second Saturn return and head into the next 29 years,
I am again dealing with women, always with the women, familial.
After the tsunami, everything is in ruins. How to rebuild? What to consider for next time? One of the administrators and I discussed:
- Always remember that people who are strong can hurt too.
- Always remember not to wait to long to talk about what is bothering you.
- Always remember to check things out before going public —
- Go direct to the source first, as there is no going back once the genie is out of the bottle.
- Always remember that what may be safe to you may be frightening to another:
it’s your point of view, and it is valid, as is the other persons.
Watercolors created with Lamy pen using Noodler’s ink in a square Aquabee Super Deluxe journal, with Daniel Smith, QoR, Sennelier and Holbien watercolors.
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please link back to LunarMoondae. Images courtesy DKatiePowellArt.
Good grief, Katie!!! By the time I got to the end of the 2nd paragraph, i was thinking, “oh Christ, she’s dealing with women.! Men rarely pull this shit!” ( they pull other shit but not THIS shit!)
Honest to Pete the only thing worse than dealing with one woman is dealing with TWO women! In the workplace or (so-called) friendships, – doesn’t matter – far too many of us simply choose to undermine and align and gossip and suffer rather than talk something out with the ONE person we should be talking to!!!
I am sorry. I have vowed to deal directly because I hate this stuff. Admittedly I don’t always succeed. And it’s often hard to do because others avoid directness like the plague. But honestly – that sounds like a real ‘cluster!’
And besides, your dimples are just too dang cute for someone to be all hung up on your personality !!!
Yes. I had more men/boys as friends growing up and all brothers and boy cousins and was a tomboy (who liked dolls) and yes, men do things too and even gossip though they NEVER call it that but women are a breed onto ourselves. I dial direct. Always always, nothing new always have and gossip only with my husband. This hurt like crazy and mad me so sad (really really REALLY sad) but Mitchell went out and bought 4 pints of vanilla ice cream (he decided this would be a four-night recovery, it only took two pints) and the elections put things into perspective and I am painting again . . . always helps. xo
Dear Katie – i know your sadness. I’m sorry you had to feel it. Mitchell sounds like a keeper!
Hope I am getting this right – did the administrators apply the 5 points to themselves as well?? Always easier to criticize others.
I had this happen to me but all the women…the workplace was just women…were too cowardly to show themselves. They reacted to gossip (untrue – a misunderstanding) via a breach of confidentiality. I worked for an agency so wasn’t at this workplace all the time. I could have asked the agency not to send me there again. But why? I had not done anything wrong. These women were so underhand and subtle about their antipathy towards me that they ended up showing themselves as the type of people they were accusing me of being! It was an education to learn about this side of human nature. And I survived, with my dignity intact, for 8 1/2 years. I am so proud of myself. I left that workplace only when I left the agency. I write, that’s how I worked through it.
But I didn’t have any kinship with these women so I didn’t suffer the additional disillusionment you did. I am so glad you shared this with us, and that you have a marvellous partner in Mitchell. So great that you are painting again.
I have come over from your art blog, just now. Love this lunar stuff, it’s fabulous.
I don’t know if the admins did this toward themselves. It was hard, but the best news is that I have some good art friends from the group —
When I create my classes i will be incorporating some of the lunar focus. It’s just what I do, though it won’t be too woo-woo.